Thursday, September 22, 2011

Urban Etiquette

I have been thinking a lot about etiquette. There seems to have been a shift, at least here in NYC. I thrown and attend many parties, and have observed and stumbled on what I see as a new set of rules.

Rules of the dinner party: (1) If you’re going to get wasted, make sure you’re not the only one. (2) Kids allowed only in event of verifiable babysitter emergency. (3) All drugs must be shared. (4) After spills, apologize once, clean it up, then let it go. (5) Air kiss over handshake. (6) Men over the age of 40 should never wear leather pants. Anywhere. 

1. If you receive an invitation, even if it's just an email. RESPOND! Yes or no, it's not hard.

2. NEVER show up empty handed at someone's home if you are invited, especially if you were NOT. Bring a bottle of wine, flowers, even a box of cookies.

3. If you are invited to a party/BBQ, never show up with more than 2 guests unless you call the host first, and ask if it's ok.

4. Back to the wine thing. there are a lot of VERY cheap yet delicious wines. If you show up with Woodford Reserve or Sutter Home wines, you're kinda a jerk. NOBODY will drink that, so it's stuck at the hosts home until they need a cooking wine. Even "Three Buck Chuck" is a better choice.

5. Make yourself at home, but not TOO at home. Don't open someone's fridge and help yourself to the food from the party that was already put away. (I've seen it, it blew everyone's mind). Or be that dude that drinks all the booze. If you bring a bottle of Jack to the party, don't then sit and drink the whole thing by yourself.(same person that ate the food)

6. Don't be the person who shows with just a pack of hot dogs but no buns. Or the person who brings one six pack, but keeps it next to you and shares with no one. If you wanna drink a six pack alone...stay home.

7. If you are in someones home, look for coasters. It's polite to not ruin peoples furniture.

8. If you RSVP "yes", Do NOT ditch last minute, especially if people are making food.

And lets talk about cell phones!!!! this is copied from New York Magazine, and so dead on...

Practicing Proper Cellular Conduct
Where you can and can’t answer the phone.


“Excuse me, I’ve got to step out and take this call related to the birth of my child.” • Movie theaters, at any time
• Quiet/romantic restaurants
• Dinner parties
• Any date
• Elevator
• During a commercial transaction
• On the treadmill*
• Public bathrooms*

* You can skip the step of excusing yourself in this situation; it would probably make the people around you more uncomfortable.
“Hey, let me hunch over slightly to indicate that I’m ashamed to be talking on the phone in this situation and call you back in a second.” • Any one-on-one conversation
• Very loud restaurants
• Moderately loud bars
• Moving motor vehicles of any kind
• Landed aircraft
• Dwelling places where you do not pay rent

Bro!!! Yeah, I’m in my home, a completely open public space, or a relaxed work environment. Whassup???”
• Sidewalks
• Loud bars
• Cabs
• Hallways
• Lobbies
• Your desk*
• Anywhere you pay rent

* Calls announced by a ringtone that you’ve forgotten to turn off must be ignored as penance.

And Thankfully Amy Poehler has her top ten Etiquette list for New Yorkers.

1. Be nice to everyone, especially people wearing hospital bracelets.
2. Don’t ask white girls if they “left their ass at home.”
3. If you have to bring your baby to a movie, make sure he laughs at appropriate times.
4. Don’t eat Cheetos and then sit down at a fancy hotel piano.
5. If you are in Central Park and think you are getting mugged, first check to see if maybe you’re just part of a student film.
6. If you see Oprah at a fancy function, don’t grab her wrist and ask for money. Quietly sneak up behind her and whisper, “You give me that money, Oprah. You hear me?”
7. When walking on a New York street, try not to spit, litter, bleed, or take a crap.
8. If you need to do any of these things, try to do it between two parked cars.

Can you add to this list???? Comment your suggestions.

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